This is a long post about a topic that is very dear to my heart. If you choose to keep reading, please don’t just skim over it. Take some time to read it. Bookmark and come back later if you need to. I say this because I know myself, and I know that I skim over wisdom when I really should stop and take notice.

Beauty makes a Beast

What is it about beauty that makes us long to become a part of it? Whenever I observe something wondrously beautiful, such as a warm sunset over the Grand Canyon, I feel as though I long to join in with it, as if I am just an observer on the outside with a fortunate glimpse into something reserved for the Almighty. Perhaps I could say the same thing about the physical beauty of another person. What is it about the view of another human being that can instill a sense of awe and wonder?

Physical beauty is such a force in our culture. Among the endless products, magazines, and shows lies a deeper yearning, and perhaps in this yearning, we’ve allowed ourselves to go awry. As Jimmy Needham so elegantly says: I see a nation of people needing to feed their own ego, parading status like steeples. Do we not know it’s evil, to love ourselves more than God and his people?

Have you ever noticed that we treat people we consider more attractive better than those we deem less attractive? I’ve seen it in my own heart. If a person is beautiful or handsome, I am glad to have their friendship just because they got looks. Why do we think bodily defects or obesity are worse than pride or greed? How do we logically judge a person by their looks and not the content of their character? Regardless of our relationship status, how we look determines how we look at others. Yet, God sees through our foolish ways and flips this beauty-crazed culture on its head.

I think I want to address each gender on this issue. Feel free to read both letters to the genders.


Dear Men

Don’t you just love beautiful girls? Man, they are something special, aren’t they? I don’t know about you, but a girl’s smile sends chills down my spine. Guys, we are visual creatures. I don’t have to tell you that. If a girl’s got the looks, she can convince you to wax your armpits with rubber cement. We’re a sucker for a pretty face. Spike TV knows that. Playboy knows that. The local news channel knows that. And if you want a piece of those good looks, you have three options: A) open up a girl on a screen that will show you anything you could sexually desire, B) find a girl who is insecure and vulnerable enough to let you physically and spiritually bond yourself in a euphoric bliss, or C) find a girl who’s main goal is to make you more like the One who made you, marry her, then participate in that beauty as an act of worship. The porn industry is betting billions of dollars that you’ll choose option A. Most guys do. The matchmaking industry is working up a whole lot of gusto to offer you option B. In fact, option B seems to be the status quo as far as relationships go. But I hope you choose option C.

Looks Can Kill
At its very essence, lusting for the beauty of a daughter of God is selfish. You are taking visual information about someone that does not belong to you. I could go on and on about the power of lust and the sanctity of sex (in fact, I already have). But for the sake of brevity, know that every girl you desire was created by a God… that knows your every thought…and can stop your breath at any moment… and reserves the right to do so. If I were a father, and I knew some guy—no matter how righteous he was known to be—was oodling over my daughter, you better believe I would bring some righteous wrath upon his life. It’s no different with God. We do well not to mess with the Big Man’s daughters. Fortunately, our Father in Heaven is much more patient and graceful then I am.

Beauty fades
A problem with our visual bias is that what we enjoy doesn’t last very long. I hate to break it to you, but beauty fades. Just as the flowers you buy your girlfriend only last a week or two, the physical beauty of a woman fades as time goes on. Yet, we still identify good wife material by how good she looks. Just look at the washed up 60 year old millionaires prancing around with twenty year old models. They are pursuing physical beauty. But no matter how hard they try, they just can’t get no satisfaction. Don’t be that guy. To judge the quality of a woman by her looks is like judging the worth of a home by the color of the front door. It’s just stupid. Furthermore, marrying a woman because you get to have sex with her is like buying an airplane just to get free peanuts. It’s no wonder that the bible warns us about the temporary nature of a woman’s beauty. Beauty trumps our very power to reason.

Best Buy Beauty
Women aren’t real estate. This idea that we need to get the best beauty for the best deal is selfish and self-destructive. Please, be a man and love a real woman, not a fictitious object. No woman will fit your every desire. That’s not what they were designed for. When you compare a woman to other women, you create a beast inside of you that is never satisfied. Do yourself (and wife/future wife) a favor and stop comparing women as if they were baseball cards. If you are curious what criteria I used to figure out if Rachel (my partner in advancing the Kingdom) was right for me, check this out. Our worth is not dependent on our relationship status. God is our sole satisfaction and our sisters in Christ become wives only when you will glorify God more together than apart. And let me let you in on a little secret…

Standard of Beauty
A secret to a beautiful marriage is to make your spouse your standard of beauty. When you marry her, she becomes what you are “in to”. Is she blonde? Boom. You’re in to blonde chicks. Is she pregnant? Would you look at that!? You’re now attracted to pregnant blonde chicks. You get the point. Everything that your wife is becomes everything that you’re attracted to. That way, when your wife is wrinkly and saggy (yes, I said it), you’ll be very much in love with a wrinkly and saggy woman. It is only when we fashion our interests to match the one we love that we will find true satisfaction.

Are you sitting there thinking it impossible to change what you’re “in to”? Perhaps history will help convince you otherwise. At one point, fat chicks were all that. At another time, girls with foot-bound feet (Google Image footbinding… I dare you) were the bees’ knees. Do you get the point? Beauty is subjective. You CAN alter what you find attractive. Mankind has been doing it for years. As guys, physical beauty controls more about what we think of other people than it should. Christ knows that we find joy in other people when we stop considering how they look as the number one criteria for who they are.

Physical Beauty vs. Fiscal Beauty
Believe it or not guys, but girls aren’t as into your looks as you are theirs, so you can stop worrying about whether you are cut enough, or big enough, or suave enough, or tan enough. While we guys value the physical beauty of a female, women value the fiscal beauty of a man. Now that doesn’t mean women are just a bunch of gold diggers. Rather, it seems that women have this innate desire to be provided for and pursued. Don’t believe me? There are countless studies that show it. Women do enjoy a handsome man, but physical attractiveness pales in comparison to a man’s ability to provide and care for a woman. Maybe that’s how the aforementioned washed up millionaire can even get with those twenty-something fitness models. You know that whole 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon? It’s not so much the sexual fantasies that the women are gaga for, but rather the fantasy of a cunning millionaire sweeping a woman off her feet with daring adventures and mysterious desires. Christian Grey (the man of those women’s dreams) gives the protagonist an entire enterprise and provides for her in other ridiculous fashions. So while we like structure of a woman’s body, women like the structure of a man’s providing potential. Men want a beauty to fight for while women want a man to pursue and provide for them. So don’t worry about using that acne cleanser, a woman would prefer you save that money and buy her something nice. The ladies want a man who is confident in Christ, not his complexion. Don’t be so insecure.

Beauty Bums
Beauty is so important to us, yet so unimportant to the success of marriage and our life. How, then, do we proceed? As with most things, the Bible has a clear answer for us. In regards to how we measure a woman’s worth, Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 30:31). Let’s alter our value on physical beauty to match what God considers beautiful. He, after all, knows a lot on the subject. If you are single, you are not incomplete, for Christ completes you. If you are in a relationship, do not determine whether the one you are with is worthy to partner in Kingdom work with you by her looks, but by her relationship with Christ. If you are married, you have made a commitment to love her. Love holds no record of wrongs and no rubric of beauty. She has become your standard, so rejoice in her physicality and lead her in spirituality. Learn how to be a man and not a boy who can shave.

Your Brother in Christ,
Jeremy Eaton



Dear Women

If you didn’t know, I am not a woman. In fact, I am quite the opposite. But I have a heart for you and I have a few words to build you up, encourage you, and challenge you. I pray you would receive them with patience, joy, and understanding.

You are Beautiful
Dear friend, you are beautiful because you were made by the one who is Beauty! It breaks my heart so see so many women ridden with insecurity because they believe that have to attain some mythical standard of beauty. You want to know something crazy? Skinny, tan women haven’t always been considered beautiful. As I was telling the guys before this, beauty is subjective. To think that you need to be beautiful to be worthy is a failure of our society.

Furthermore, the belief that you’re not beautiful will lead you to judge others. When we care what others think about us, it tends to negatively affect what we think about others. Please don’t criticize others because it makes you feel better. Gossip tastes so good on the tongue, but it can really give you a stomach ache. It grieves my heart to see how we judge others by their looks. We are all just fighting for our self-worth, when Jesus is imploring us to break out of our insecure shells and love those around us. So if anything else, know that God Almighty knows that you are beautiful and I do too. You can argue with me, but are you really going to argue with Him?


Cosmetic Crisis
People in this country are cosmetically crazy. Now I’m a guy, so I know there are some things I will never understand, but it’s no mystery that we have been convinced that no make-up means no beauty. If you have time, look at this report by the WMCA. The women in our society are seeking beauty at any cost. As my sisters in Christ, I don’t want you to fall into this rat race. Perhaps the following statistics will shed light on this issue:

Amount of money spent annually on perfumes in Europe and the United States…$12 Billion

Amount of money needed each year to provide reproductive health care for all women in developing countries……………………………………………………………….......................... $12 Billion

Amount of money needed each year to provide water and sanitation for ALL people in developing nations…………………………………………………………………......................... $ 9 Billion

Amount of money spent annually on cosmetics in the United States……………..... $ 8 Billion

Amount of money needed each year to provide basic education to ALL people in developing nations……………………………………………………………………………............... $ 6 Billion

Can you see that our priorities are a little out of whack? Western culture spends twice as much on perfume as it would cost to educate every single person in the developing world. Our obsession with beauty extends far beyond the fact that half the stores in the mall are devoted to making us look better.

Don’t Live in a Beauty Box
Girls, don’t let us guys define you by how you look. We’re bad at that and we’re working on it. But, it is up to you keep away from the lie that you have to look a certain way. Have you heard that “Modest is hottest”? Please help a brother out by dressing in a manner that is wholesome, so that we visual creatures don’t have the temptation. Please hold the guys around you to a higher standard than they hold themselves. Likewise, you can help us out by understanding what beauty really is. Please don’t stay in the beauty box that this culture puts you in. Don’t define your beauty by what you where or how you do your hair.

Paul makes it simple: “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.” (1 Peter 3:3-4).

Worldly Beauty Makes You Worldly
Jesus spent a whole lot of time convincing us that what we wear and how we look does not define who we are. “But Jeremy,” you say, “a little Vera Bradley here and a little Fossil there and a little jewelry purchase every once in a while won’t hurt anyone.”  You may be right. But sometimes, we think we are simply making a home in this world, when really, this world is making a home in us. James tells us that an action that is pure, faultless, and pleasing to God is this: to keep this world from corrupting us. We are to be in this world, and not of it. But when we dress ourselves in what this world treasures, we become part of its charade. Instead, make strength and dignity your clothing, and let your beauty come from your relationship with Christ. Then, you will be beautiful to those who understand beauty. Besides, trying to lure a man with your physical beauty is like fishing with dynamite… You’ll catch some fish alright, but none worth eating. In fact, you’ll just end up in a big mess with wet hair and a smell you can’t easily get rid of (pardon my crude analogies).

Keep Your Standards High
Speaking of luring a man, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t lower your standards for a guy. The nation is full of boys who can shave and it grieves my heart to see godly women suffer in relationships with spiritual toddlers. You should never have to convince yourself to marry someone… EVER. Seek a man who will lead you in what is godly. Seek a man who will pursue you after he pursues God. Seek a man because of his character, not his cash. But maybe I shouldn’t be telling you to seek at all, for singleness is a gift from God in itself. A man will never fulfill you despite what culture will try to convince you. If you are in a relationship right now, please make sure it is because you like the man and not the comfort of the relationship. Don’t date someone just because they like you. Don’t date because you are lonely. If you are struggling with singleness, please read this. As I told the guys, a relationship should only happen when being together with someone glorifies God more than being apart.

Self Worth: What’s it worth?
Lastly, we are all insecure, from the most physically attractive to the least. Most girls, when told they are beautiful, deny it. You girls secretly love it when people talk about your beauty, but you can never get enough people to tell you that you're beautiful. When we deny compliments (I do it too), we are setting ourselves up as the focus of attention even more so. We can’t help it. We just want social affirmation. But God completely wipes away our insecure selves and overloads our meager lives with His lavish love. Please don’t let your insecurity damper just how much God loves you. PS. If your boyfriend or dad or best friend or whoever tells you that you are beautiful/pretty/cute/whatever, it’s not because they “have to”, it’s because you are. I write more about self worth here.

Sweet females, I love you because Christ loves you. As C.S. Lewis says, “Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be attained.” That is the reason for this ill-constructed letter. I hope you feel beautiful and I hope you feel loved.

Your Brother in Christ,
Jeremy Eaton