We have the desire to be desired. We all have the want to be wanted. We all yearn for approval (myself included). But what does that do to us? I have noticed in certain times of my life, I have been obsessed with what people are thinking of me. From pretty girls to deep friends to new acquaintances, I have seen myself do loops just in the hope that I will be seen favorably. But it doesn’t have to be this way! Christ has set us free from the slavery of self and God’s love overflows our need to be needed! The tyranny of public opinion can manipulate our lives. When we allow other's perceptions of us to control how we live, we are enslaved. You know… I’d like to think Satan trains battalions of demons to whisper one question in our ears: "What are people thinking of you?"

John 5:44: “How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?” 

If I understand this correctly, Christ taught the alarming idea that the desire for honor among men makes belief impossible. Moreover, when we really believe that we are loved and accepted, we no longer have to be the best, to compare ourselves to others, to strive to make a good impression, to compete for attention, or to run around looking for love in all the wrong places. Freedom in Christ produces a healthy independence from peer pressure, people-pleasing, and the bondage of human respect. Instead of the self worth of ourselves, let’s celebrate God’s worth and the worth of others. It’s God first. Others Second… But I’m not third. I’m not even in the picture.

Let’s look at our common mindset when entering into a public space, like midnight pancakes for instance. When desiring relationships with others we go from eros (romance), to phileo (friendship), to storge (commitment), and finally, agape (unconditional love). We find those we are attracted to, we want to become their friends and have them like us, we then become commited to them and hold affection for them and finally, we love them unconditionally.  We seem to first survey the room first for those who are the most attractive, whether subconsciously or consciously. We are in search of the eros kind of love (romance). Who do I want to get to know? Or who do I really admire here? Who looks like good #wifeymaterial? Who do I have a friend crush on? If none appear, our desire to stay decreases.  Then, we survey the room for friends, looking for that Phileo love (friendship). Who makes me feel good when I am around them? We want to see our friends of course, and we want to engage and enjoy their company. After that, those we are commited to (storge) and finally, if we have room for any thoughts or concerns left, we’ll think about those we ought to love unconditionally.

But Jesus flipped the rules of this world upside down and I want to challenge us to flip this mindset around. When we desire a relationship with anyone, let’s start with loving them unconditionally. That means not caring what they look like how funny they are, how interesting they are in conversation, how possible it is for them to be one you’d want to marry, etc. Let’s instead see everyone one how God sees them: a love for them that goes far beyond self and sin and a desire to see them encounter the fullness of God. Then once we’ve begin to love them unconditionally with that agape kind of love, let’s become committed to them (storge), committed to what God wants to do in their life, committed to serving and encouraging them. Then after that we’ll develop that deep friendship (phileo) and in the very rare case, we may love them romantically (eros). Notice that God and what He wants to do is in beginning of this process and me and what I want to do are at the end.

If we use this mental process of evaluating relationships everywhere we go, we would see our community and, more importantly, the Kingdom grow like wild-fire.

So let’s throw away the list of flaws we see in our self and others. Let’s smash our mirrors and stop comparing ourselves. Let’s look to the incomparable One and love with an agape love.