Mawwiage

What is the meaning of marriage? Why does it exist? I am not married so I can’t tell you from experience, but I have studied the topic more than most college kids. In the following post I will, in a sense, barf my poor understanding of the mystery of marriage on this electronic repository of knowledge. I have learned from several books, older couples, and sermons. Really I just want to piece together marriage in my own mind. Feel free to tag along with me.

I won’t discuss sex. Look here for that topic.
I won’t discuss singleness or dating. Look here for that topic.

Recently, I have read (or am reading) three different books. I will list them in order from best to not the best:

Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
Real Marriage by Mark Driscoll

These three books will teach you better than I ever could. Go read them. Seriously. I think every person should read Meaning of Marriage, regardless of their beliefs, relationship status, or age. Single? You should read it. Dating? Read it. Marriage? Definitely read it. Just stop reading now and go buy one of these books (real marriage was more for married only people).

Before I begin, I should say this: If you want to be free to serve Jesus, by all means, stay single, for you will have nothing hindering you from devoting your time, energy and strength to Him. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can see not better way than to enter into a self-giving relationship for Him with another.

The Meaning of Marriage
Marriage permeates every society. It is truly a strange thing. Likewise, it is truly a misunderstood covenant. Really, I have no way to express all the wisdom I have been exposed to on the topic. My failed attempt is the following:

-Marriage is gospel re-enactment. It is the greatest relationship here on earth and it imitates the greatest love we know.
-Marriage is more about holiness than happiness.
-Marriage roots out our selfishness.
-Marriage is protection from the sin of sexual immorality. Marriage does not make you immune to the sin of sexual immorality. Too often people’s single person problems become marriage problems.
-Marriage exists to show us more of God. There is no better way to see how Christ loves the church than to be in a relationship that imitates it.
-Marriage is two broken humans coming together to sanctify each other.
-Marriage is two friends who take part in the gift of romantic love.
-Marriage is such that at the end of the age, one person can present their spouse to Jesus and say “Here they are. I loved them as best as I could and sanctified them as much as I could.”
-Marriage allows us to take part in God’s gift of sex.
-Marriage allows us to take part in creation and take part in the parent-child relationship.
-Marriage is a process of forgiving, serving, sacrificing, healing, pain, perseverance, and work.

“The main reason I married Beth was to become more like Jesus.”
~Michael Defazio

Self-sacrifice
Marriage isn’t about YOU. It is about the one you are serving. Marriage will certainly reveal just how selfish you are and it will test whether you really can love unconditionally. Can you love your spouse more than you love yourself? Will you give your life for them? I am convinced that you could marry any person successfully if you will just lay down your life for another. God is the one that makes you whole; not another imperfect human being. You use the love of God to love your spouse. Marriages fail because of selfishness. Marriages fail because they don’t love God, and lack the resources to love anyone else.

Friendship
Perhaps the most important factor in marriage—besides our relationship with Jesus—is friendship. You marry your best friend (hopefully). You marry the one that knows you the best. “The goal isn’t to marry the most beautiful person in the world; it is to marry to person that will make your world the most beautiful.” The goal isn’t to marry someone that will make you the happiest; it is to make you the holiest. The goal isn’t to marry the person that you love the most; it is to make you love the most.

In marriage, we are commanded to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

“Wives, submit to your husband.” This little sentence has been abused such that it leaves a bad taste in the mouth of many women. This shouldn’t be a hard command because women should want to follow the man, especially when the man is fulfilling his own responsibilities. The husband is the head of the wife just like Christ is the head of the church, his body. Just as we, the church, submit to Christ, so should wives submit to their husbands. This does not mean wives must submit to all men.

When we think about it, it would make more sense for the man to be the head because the man is more outward focused in the family, thus he should be the ambassador. Let me explain that a little bit. Say that a mom and dad are watching their son play a little league soccer game. As they are watching, they see their boy get tripped by an opposing player. The father would respond by yelling for the son to get up and get back at into the game, work harder, show him up, etc. The mother, on the other hand, would immediately jump to the defense of her little boy by yelling for the ref to eject the opposing player. The father is more diplomatic and outward facing in the family, while the mother is more inward focused and defensive of the family. Now this analogy falls short in several places and it is by no means perfect, but it shows that the man is the inter-family leader while the woman is the intra-family leader. The head guides relationships with other families, people, and business while the mother keeps the family united and functioning.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave herself up for her…” When you compare this command with the female’s goal to submit, it sounds a little harder. I mean, to love the wife as Jesus loves the church? That is huge. Me are to give their life, their self, and our well being for the sake of our wife.

Men should strive to “to make her holy, cleansing her by washing her with the water through the Word, and to present her to Jesus as a radiant bride, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, holy and blameless.

Men: It is your role to make your wife more like Jesus. It is your responsibility to present her to the King holy and blameless. Are you able to lead your wife spiritually? Do you have the wisdom to cleanse her with the Word (The Bible)? The point of a relationship is not your happiness but her holiness!


Two become One
In marriage, two beings become one. Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies, because they are one with their wife. Wives ought to serve their husbands as they do themselves, for they are one body. After all, no one really hates their own body, but instead they feed and care for their body just as Christ does the church. The goal of marriage is for two children of God to become more effective together than they would be apart.  If this is not the case, then the marriage will not succeed. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Once married, the couple is no longer under the provision or emotional connection to the parents. They become each others most important person, right behind Jesus.

Marriage is a divine mystery! It is such a beautiful thing. We must get this right. We cannot live for Christ if we find ourselves abusing and misunderstanding the purpose of marriage. How could I claim to live in the reconciliation of Jesus if divorce and fail at reconciliation with a wife? The two become one; to separate something that is whole will never reap good results. Separating a marriage always leaves both parties with less than what they had. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

I really am so naive when it comes to marriage, but I know that God designed it and he knows it best. If you want a marriage to succeed, use it to glorify God.

People who are ready for marriage are those who need it the least. Those who draw their strength and love from God bring that strength and love into every other relationship.

Now go buy Meaning of Marriage and read it. I am surprised you made it this far.